My Reason Was Staring...Real Hard

I picked up this book at Deseret Book because there is a painting with Heavenly Mother on the cover. I opened the book and saw " Heavenly Mother" in writing, more than once. I have had an ache in my heart, for years. There is a longing in my soul that maleness cannot fill. I needed a Divine female, I needed more of an idea of what it means to be a women in this life and the next. When I've  thought of Heavenly Mother in the past I pictured a submissive, silent, powerless being...hidden away, never to be spoken of and definitely not spoken to, especially by her children. I didn't believe this and I don't believe this. So when people say' She's too sacred to speak of." ' or  'Heavenly Father is protecting her from their children who take His name in vain.' It sounds hollow, and not true. Why would my Mother God need protection? Is she so weak that hearing her name in any other form than praise sends her crying to Kolob? I think not. I'm not going to pretend that I have discovered the mystery of ages and have come to know the true nature of God. I know nothing. I believe that God is love. I believe that I have soul that is eternal and the eternal potential and involvement of women is part of the many great and important things yet to be revealed. I have hope after reading this short little picture book that children of the next generation won't shy away from speaking her name, or asking to know more about her. I read a page out of this book each morning to my girls over breakfast. There are quotes from both male and female general authorities that affirm the unique Mormon teaching that we have a Mother there. Not multiple mothers...don't you dare. A Mother.

I'm not sure how much God intervenes in life. My life experience feels like... life takes it's course and God is there, but not as a puppet master.  The other morning, after yoga and during a brief mediation... I sent out my ache to whoever could take it. In my mind I said " Are you really even there? Is Mother in Heaven real? I went on with my day and while reading came across a blog that had a review of this book . Within a day I had a visual resource to share with my daughters that spoke of Heavenly Mother. I choose to believe  that I was heard. I'm doubtful that this little book that I've come to adore is the absolute truth of it all. It's really just a small little step to a more egalitarian dialog about the role of women in our theology, but I'll take it.It is a  balm to my searching heart.