April 25th 2005

I stood in the bathroom looking at the pregnancy test. A feeling of dread washed over me...I just had a baby 5 months before, she couldn't even crawl yet, how was I going to manage another baby when I hadn't even adjusted to having the first one? What will my husband think, how should I tell him? I let my mind play out the worst and best case scenarios all day long as I waited for Jon to get home from work. By the time he came home I was so worked up that I blurted out the news as soon as he walked in and demanded instantly that he tell me what he was thinking. A part of me was worried that I was about to watch dread appear on his face like it had mine. To my utter relief he laughed and gave me a hug and started spouting loving words of encouragement. Of course he would...it was all his fault after all:)

 Life took us for a ride during that pregnancy, the pregnancy was fine, but life... Jon lost his job when I was a few months along. We needed to sell our home...fast. We sold it ourselves and pretty much broke even...making some money would have been nice but at least we no longer had a mortgage with no income. We also sold most of what we had and moved in with Jon's parents while he looked for a job. He did janitorial work at night and decided now might be a good time to go back to school, an idea I wholeheartedly supported.

Soon we were looking for apartments in Boise, we found an on campus 3rd floor apartment and before we knew it we were moving in and just in time...Brooke was due a few weeks later. Morgan had just learned to walk...something I was really hoping she would do before Brooke came along. How would you go anywhere with two people who can't walk?

 I remember thinking I would know for sure when I was in labor because I'd just been through it a little over a year ago...but I had false labor for days and was always thinking "this is it!...no it's not.." on repeat. It was unnerving. One evening, we had dinner at Brett and Diannes house with the missionaries, I was having strong but sporratic contractions all through dinner. We went home and I sat on our new couch and my water broke...on the first new thing we'd purchased in months, I was so happy and irritated..not my new couch, but hurray 'cause water breakage means  a free ticket into Labor and Delivery! Jon grabbed towels for the couch, our bag & called his parents to meet us at the hospital so they could take Morgan for the night. We made it to the hospital and I was already at 4cm, I made it clear to everyone I could that they needn't wait to give me an epidural...I would take it as soon as possible.

When it came time to push things felt stiff, a little clogged maybe. The Dr. didn't notice until Brooke was on her way out that she was " sunny side up"...and that does make forcing humans out of your girl parts a little more challenging... it also means that they are looking right at you with their crying, never before seen face when they come out.  My heart loved her instantly, but my mind was on high alert..she looked different than Morgan,she was so bruised and purple...was she ok? Does it hurt to be born face up? She was bruised        ( and still is, she wears a stamp of my pubic bone on her forehead...I really hope that fades completely by Jr. High...) but she was healthy and mine.

She wouldn't have me to herself for long, she would always have to share me with her sister. Morgan looked so big when she came walking in my hospital room to meet her new baby sister. She was only mildly impressed.

Life at home with two kids under two years old was difficult...my freedom, my independence vanished like I  couldn't have imagined. Life revolved around naps/feedings/diapers and crying with glimpses of pure joy mixed in...but I was so tired and felt utterly home-bound. Jon worked on campus, went to school full time, and studied when he was home. I knew that I had to carry the load of home management and childcare so he could focus on his goal of being able to provide for his family. We both worked so hard.  When I look back on those years now, they were solidifying and happy years in our marriage. Having babies so close in age was never in my plans...but I have loved watching those babies grow up together, sharing everything from clothes to childhood memories. I believe they will have a special bond that will keep their sisterhood strong for the rest of their lives. I'm so blessed.