Marrying Young
I was 19 when I met my husband. It was my first week away from home, settling in at college several states away. I was idealistic, naive, fearless and perfectly optimistic about my future. I didn't go to college thinking about marriage. I was excited about my independence and ready to experience life as a college student and fill my brain with knowledge. I knew plenty of other girls who were there just to put themselves in the path of their future husband, always on the lookout..."A cute boy helped me pick up the papers that fell out of my binder...what if he's the one!?" I had no interest in that kind of desperate hunt for a man. My Mom married just before she turned 30, that seemed like a good time to settle down to me.
But...He offered me his seat when I came out of my room after a call home left me homesick and puffy eyed. I was in pajamas, no makeup and there were boys in the apartment. I sat down and he brought me a piece of the cake that they were all sharing. That was the beginning of our friendship.
He was just a few years older than me. Kindhearted, hilarious, adventurous and respectful. If I would have started out with a crush on him, my introversion would have ruined all my chances at being carefree around him. But since I wasn't in the market for anything serious, I was free to just be his friend and we had a lot of fun together. After several months of friendship, we went on a double date. That night I realized I really, really liked this boy and so I went silent. I hardly said a word through dinner, barely had a bite to eat. A lesser man might have taken this personally, but he held my hand in the car on the way home. And I started falling, and I haven't stopped.
Young love was the most thrilling experience of my life. I'd never laughed so hard, missed someone so much, or felt so physically and spiritually connected to anyone. We fell in love fast and deep. The only options soon became break our hearts or love each other forever. I was somehow unable to imagine my life without him even though he'd only been a part of it for 6 months. He told me the only way this relationship would ever end would be if I ended it because he's not going anywhere.
How did my 20-year-old self chose so wisely the man I would spend the rest of my life with? I sometimes think about how that could have gone terribly wrong, and how blessed I am to have fallen for one of the worlds finest men. But, even though I was inexperienced and naive in many ways, I wasn't stupid. I knew what I wanted for myself in a future husband and I just so happened to be lucky enough to find him very young.
I know the arguments against marrying young and they are valid. Your brain is still developing. You are just beginning to learn who you are in many ways. You have a lot of changing to do in the years to come and you could change into people who are no longer as compatible as you were in your youth. I wouldn't preach my life experience as the best or right way of doing things, but it is a good option and it was the right option for me.
In many ways when you marry young you grow up together. We created a bond from early on and had to depend on each other as we started out into adulthood. We weren't set in our ways either. We were still trying to figure out what our "ways" were and we got to define those things as a couple. And learning how to compromise with him from age 20 has made it a natural reflex at 37. I think we both understood that we were going to be evolving over the years and have always allowed each other room to become who we are. We have both changed so much from who we were and will be growing up and adopting new views for the rest of our lives. But knowing we have the others complete devotion has created a feeling of safety when we are sometimes surprised by our own journeys.
Yes, we've grown and changed from who we were, but our souls are well matched and having him as my companion to spend this life with is more fun than I could have imagined. Here is to growing old together with the one I've loved since we were young.
But...He offered me his seat when I came out of my room after a call home left me homesick and puffy eyed. I was in pajamas, no makeup and there were boys in the apartment. I sat down and he brought me a piece of the cake that they were all sharing. That was the beginning of our friendship.
He was just a few years older than me. Kindhearted, hilarious, adventurous and respectful. If I would have started out with a crush on him, my introversion would have ruined all my chances at being carefree around him. But since I wasn't in the market for anything serious, I was free to just be his friend and we had a lot of fun together. After several months of friendship, we went on a double date. That night I realized I really, really liked this boy and so I went silent. I hardly said a word through dinner, barely had a bite to eat. A lesser man might have taken this personally, but he held my hand in the car on the way home. And I started falling, and I haven't stopped.
Young love was the most thrilling experience of my life. I'd never laughed so hard, missed someone so much, or felt so physically and spiritually connected to anyone. We fell in love fast and deep. The only options soon became break our hearts or love each other forever. I was somehow unable to imagine my life without him even though he'd only been a part of it for 6 months. He told me the only way this relationship would ever end would be if I ended it because he's not going anywhere.
How did my 20-year-old self chose so wisely the man I would spend the rest of my life with? I sometimes think about how that could have gone terribly wrong, and how blessed I am to have fallen for one of the worlds finest men. But, even though I was inexperienced and naive in many ways, I wasn't stupid. I knew what I wanted for myself in a future husband and I just so happened to be lucky enough to find him very young.
I know the arguments against marrying young and they are valid. Your brain is still developing. You are just beginning to learn who you are in many ways. You have a lot of changing to do in the years to come and you could change into people who are no longer as compatible as you were in your youth. I wouldn't preach my life experience as the best or right way of doing things, but it is a good option and it was the right option for me.
In many ways when you marry young you grow up together. We created a bond from early on and had to depend on each other as we started out into adulthood. We weren't set in our ways either. We were still trying to figure out what our "ways" were and we got to define those things as a couple. And learning how to compromise with him from age 20 has made it a natural reflex at 37. I think we both understood that we were going to be evolving over the years and have always allowed each other room to become who we are. We have both changed so much from who we were and will be growing up and adopting new views for the rest of our lives. But knowing we have the others complete devotion has created a feeling of safety when we are sometimes surprised by our own journeys.
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